Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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