Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
