The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
