You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
