we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
