using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
