I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
