I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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