you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
