Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
