I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
