what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
