thus making me awesome and them whores
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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