he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
