Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
