I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
