I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
