btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize