the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize