Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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