its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
