Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
