yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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