Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
