He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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