Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
