One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
