just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
