I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
