I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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