This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
