Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
