so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
