I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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