Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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