Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm passing your future prison.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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