After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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