Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize