I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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