If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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