Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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