He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
