i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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