The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
