I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Randomize
