Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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