I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
