I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
