woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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