I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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