you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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