i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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