i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drake has all the answers
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
