I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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