if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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