Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
