its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
