I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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