I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
