Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
