my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
