Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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