For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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