i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
