By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she looked like the before picture.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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