I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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