I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
where am i from again
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
