I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
