When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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