she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
