It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
