I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
