Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
