apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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