i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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