Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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