Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
