There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
