did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
