is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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