i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
