How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
