brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
