you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize