Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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