Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
