i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
